When I See Blue

12 year old Ben is being bullied.  Not by other children.  At least not yet – he’s only just transferred from his old school, following a difficult Year 7.  And (despite arriving with a Dr Who ‘tardis’ backpack) so far, he’s managing to keep a low profile.  But Ben is bullied by a voice in his own head.

Invisible OCD rules dictate his every action, trying to prevent him from living life like neurotypical people do.  Whether it’s avoiding certain colours or doing things repetitively and in multiples of four, it is exhausting trying to abide by a secret rule book – not to mention trying to hide it from others. But if Ben doesn’t listen to his brain-bully, surely something dreadful will happen?

Any young reader will relate to the anxiety of fitting in and encountering different forms of bullying.  In Ben’s case, his challenges are further exacerbated by a combination of an alcoholic mother and a partly-absent father.  Thankfully, we also see hope – first in the form of a girl in his class who befriends him. With her encouragement, a new therapist, the support of a quirky teacher and the haven of a school art club, Ben can begin to find the strength he needs to start taking back control. We see him slowly learn that his compulsions don’t actually impact on the events that go on around him, good or bad.

This is a touching and honest book about life in the grip of OCD but also the power of friendship. It’s also a reminder that good friendships are two-way as it turns out April needs Ben just as much as he needs her. 

A convincing (own-voice) story, with a light touch and plenty of Dr Who references.

Mae Ben, sy’n ddeuddeg oed, yn cael ei fwlio. Mae ei reolau OCD yn deddfu pob symudiad ganddo, yn ceisio’i rwystro rhag byw bywyd fel y mae pobl niwronodweddiadol yn ei wneud.

P’un ai’n osgoi ambell liw penodol neu’n gwneud pethau drosodd a throsodd a hynny bedair gwaith neu wyth neu ddeuddeg ac ati, mae ceisio cadw at y rheolau cudd hyn yn ei flino’n llwyr – heb sôn am yr ymdrech i guddio hyn rhag eraill.  Ond os nad ydy Ben yn gwrando ar y bwli yn ei ben, yna mae rhywbeth drwg yn siŵr o ddigwydd yn does?

Yn ffodus, gyda help pobl eraill, mae Ben yn gallu dechrau cael y nerth sydd ei angen arno i ddechrau cymryd rheolaeth ar bethau eto. Stori sydd yn llais y cymeriad ei hun, sy’n argyhoeddi, gyda chyffyrddiad ysgafn a digon o gyfeiriadau at Dr Who.