A Writer's Resolutions

So, new year.

I know it is mid-January, so most of your resolutions will be broken. But this year I've decided to have a lot of resolutions so at least some of these are still in tact. But quantum physicists keep telling us that there are as many universes as there are possibilities and so, in one universe my best writer self will be following these throughout 2013. And you know what? I'm going to try my hardest to make sure that it will be in this one.

1.     I will not write more words in tweets than I will in novels.

2.     I will not get jealous of other writers.

3.     Even though I have a book coming out in May, I will not spend the whole of Spring googling myself like a neurotic insane egomaniac with no life.

4.     I will not read my online reviews.

5.     I will not read Hilary Mantel's online reviews.

6.     I will stop telling myself to write a historical novel just because historical novels win prizes.

7.     I will eat less toast.

8.     I will stop pretending boiling a kettle is more important than writing a paragraph.

9.     I will not use 'which' when I mean 'that'.

10. I will remember I am worth more than my Amazon ranking.

11. If I get invited back to the Edinburgh Book Festival I will take less advantage of their free gin promotion.

12. I will try to feel less uncomfortable at events where I don't know anyone. One day, I might even try smiling.

13. I will be brave enough to start writing that love story I have always wanted to write.

14. I will not wear dressing gowns after midday.

15. I will generally try and be a little more Charles Dickens, and a little less Charles Bukowski.

16. When I am in the presence of a piano, I will stop telling people I can play the piano, as five bars of one tune does not count as being able to play the piano.

17. I will not tell audience members off when they say they don't like science-fiction writers.

18. I will have confidence in literary weirdness, while seeking to address real-life weirdness.

19. I will not move my own books around in bookshops.

20. Also in bookshops, I will not loiter near the tables and attempt Jedi mind tricks on customers. If they want to pick up the celebrity memoir they will pick up the celebrity memoir. (Idiots.)

21. When my editors send over their queries, I will try and remember that ninety per cent of the time they are right.

22. I will not worry if people think funny books can't be serious. Some people are idiots. (See 20.)

23. Likewise, I will try not to get angry with people who think they know my book from two lines on the back of one of your books.

24. I will be thankful for every reader.

25. I will not get into arguments on Twitter (oops, broke that one).

26. When a stranger tells me they love my book, I will appreciate it.

27. When a stranger tells me they don't love my book, I will ignore it.

28. The words 'literary' and 'commercial' are for publishers to worry about.

29. If I have to do a reading, I will remember to choose the bit I am reading before the event.

30. I will enjoy writing for writing's sake.

31. I will write at least 500 words a day, every day.

32. The first draft is never the finished product. I should know this by now. I will not stress about it.

33. I will use less adverbs.

34. I will re-read the poems of Emily Dickinson. Again.

35. I will be grateful. It is a wonderful life.

36. I will enjoy the unique human magic of imagining.

37. I will never, for one single moment, wish I was doing something else.