And that’s when something happens, something that makes everything now, something that cuts all the past away, the convoy and everyone on it gone and past, and it’s just me, here, now, so fast, it doesn’t seem real.
My father. The crash. My mother. It’s not real.
It’s like I’m watching it all, including myself, from somewhere else.
I watch myself stand up next to my mother.
I watch myself wait there in the wreckage for a while not knowing what to do.
Until enough time passes that something has to be done, so I watch as I climb to where the wall of the cockpit has come apart and look out into the planet for the first time.
Look out into the darkness. Darkness upon further darkness. Darkness that hides things.
Things I can hear.
Animal noises that almost sound like words.
I watch myself step back into the ship, away from the darkness, my heart beating heavy.
And then I seem to blink and the next thing I see is myself pulling back a broken panel to the engine room.
From even farther away, I see myself finding my father, burnt in a nightmarish way from the chest down, a terrible wound on his forehead that would have killed him anyway.
I watch myself as coldness flows through me, watch as I’m so cold I’m unable to even cry at my father’s body.
I blink again and then I’m seeing myself back next to my mother in the cockpit, my arms pulled tight around my knees, the battery lights in the panels flickering and slowly getting dimmer.
And then there’s a birdcall or something from outside, louder than the rest, a weird one that almost sounds like the word Prey or Pray.
And I’m back behind my eyes.
Because I’ve seen something, tumbled there.
Something my mother must have taken from my room and brought into the cockpit, something to give to me as soon as we landed, which hurts me somewhere in a far, far off place.
There, in the wreckage.
Bradley’s present.
It’s still wrapped, after all these months, after even my birthday. And everything still feels impossible and like a dream, so why shouldn’t I open it? If that’s what my mother and father wanted, why shouldn’t that be the first thing I do on this planet?
I pick it up, sliding off the torn paper and opening it just as the last of the battery power cuts out, leaving me in total darkness.
But it’s okay.
It’s okay because I’ve already seen what it is.
